Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
