It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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