When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
