i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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