maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
