I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
