i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
