i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
