My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
