My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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