There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
