She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
