My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies