i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
