I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(