You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
