dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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