are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
