this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
