4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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