I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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