She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
