when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
