soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
