you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
