i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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