my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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