don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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