you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
