is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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