hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
