I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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