Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
