Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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