peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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