sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
