so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
