So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
