You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
