Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Will exercising make me less horny?
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