How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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