youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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