Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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