if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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