Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize