i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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