Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
