dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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