does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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