There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
