I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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