just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
