It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
