SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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