Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
