You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
