Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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