I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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