Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
