Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
tell me about the eggs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
