it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
