she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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