i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
